I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
