i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
