He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
that is very illegal...i love you.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
