The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Come see our sink grown plant.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
