she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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