we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
