Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
