You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The Olympian is in my bed
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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