I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
