she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize