Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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