Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you win again, gameday.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
