On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize