I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
