pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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