tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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