Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
