the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
