He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
