Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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