Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
