Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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