The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
