I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
