You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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