Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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