after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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