I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
