Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
