I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
