R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
