Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
