I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize