I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
