I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He passed out mid-signature
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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