I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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