I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
