What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Life is so much better after having sex.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
