Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
