Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
