she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
