yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
