i need an iv and a liver transplant
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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