this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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