The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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