Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
