so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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