I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
