Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wish my penis had an off switch
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
