I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
