Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i will never coherently bang her
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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