I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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