my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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