I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
