Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
