There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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