I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
