giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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