He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
