she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
