Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
