fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
