I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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