I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
