Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
