Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
