I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
im holly from the hills drunk
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
