Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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