I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
