some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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