I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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