Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
