I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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