Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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