I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
