We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
