Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
